I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize
