yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Screwed.edu
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
