Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
