Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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