Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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