How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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