hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
