i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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