my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sorry about my life...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
