If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
