Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize