she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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