You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
