You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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