I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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