I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
