Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
