I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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