are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
