Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is the high leading the old right now
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
