Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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