I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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