There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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