Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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