Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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