why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
