just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
