Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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