I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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