The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
