Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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