while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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