i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
