He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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