Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
