We're facebook friends in real life
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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