I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
