You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
