when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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