i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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