4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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