i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
