I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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