Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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