I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
