I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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