Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
