why didn't you poke me back
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
