dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
