I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
