i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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