I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
