guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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