YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
