mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
