the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
