you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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