She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
