Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
