how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
