Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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