i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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