I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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