i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I intend to get homeless drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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