Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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