TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
