I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
