somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
