Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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