Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
