dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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