What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
