my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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